I crashed in the jungle while trying to keep a date
While telling my constituents I wouldn't be too late
They could carry on without me, nobody would see
After all, most of them never voted for me
But how was I to know that the wreckage of my career
Would be picking up apace while I was over here
Meanwhile, back in Scotland
Baby, baby, let's make plans
You know your old-time leader hasn't got a chance
She's stranded in the jungle, sad as she can be
So let us rearrange her constituency oh yeah
Meanwhile, back in the jungle
I thought this would be like the Girl Guides or the Cubs
I didn't realise I'd be eating grubs
I thought I'd be promoting Labour values and stuff
Not chewing bull's testicles and being filmed half in the buff
I smelled something cooking and I looked to see
That's when I found out they was a cookin' me
Ooga booga, gemme outta here! (Ant +Dec)
Baby, baby, we're on the Royal Mile
I say the Old Town's freezing while you do a bushtucker trial
It's good to see you retain your dignity
Cleaning out the toilets, there's a good MSP oh yeah
Meanwhile, back in the jungle
I jumped out of the pot, I finally got away
I was frantic, worried about my constituency
So I jumped in the ocean and started to swim
My chance of surviving was gettin' mighty slim
Then I thumbed down a whale that was headed my way
And I reached Scotland in about half a day
When I got to Lothian I was almost dead
Heard them talkin' bout my journey, and this is what they said
Baby, baby, you're just no good
Baby, baby, you should have understood
We can't trust you and your crocodile tears
You've set the Labour Party back by years
In Lothian
In Lothian
In Lothian
In Lothian
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